Taking Up Space: Mary’s Story Behind MKM Photography

I remember being photographed by someone smaller than myself, who posed me in ways I wouldn’t normally pose myself.

The images struck me, and I was very insecure about them. I had to sit with them for a while.

Eventually, I shared them with someone close to me and one of their friends. Their friend listened to my concerns, then pointed to the photograph I’d been bemoaning.

“I think this photo is great. You look so soft, like you’d be fantastic to cuddle.”

It stopped me in my tracks.

It reminded me of what I want for others and realigned my own mental voice. We are often our own worst critics, seeing issues that don’t exist for the person looking at us.

Part of this journey is taking up space on both sides of the camera. Every few years, I work with a photographer or do a self-portrait shoot. I remind myself how hard this is.

It takes constant attention. Intentional effort. The social programming runs deep.

Why I do this work

Becoming someone new meant learning to centre myself, instead of looking to others as my source of validation. Becoming a mother, and wanting the world to be the best it could be for my kids, pushed me to strive to be the best version of me.

In doing so, I found that I could help others on this journey too.

I identify as an intersectional feminist. Some of my identities are “fat,” “woman,” and, most recently, “queer.” These identities shape how I move through the world and how I understand my place within it.

I believe that men, women, and people of every other identity are equal. I want systems to change to support every person with equity: recognizing the challenges facing different people and helping them reach the same level, regardless of their starting point.

Too many people are told to be quiet or invisible. People of colour, the 2SLGBTQIA+ community, and those constrained by patriarchal norms do not get equal representation. People who look like me and think like me know what that feels like.

I am passionate in my desire to change that.

Seeing people embrace themselves on their own terms, take up space in the way they want, and step into the world with a new definition of themselves fills me with fierce joy.

That is what draws me to boudoir.

The moments that keep me coming back

When people allow themselves to be free, to be true to themselves, and to centre themselves instead of others, the reactions can be explosive.

During Tiffani and Kylee’s shoot, those moments showed up in different ways: Kylee shoving me, Tiffani dancing around in the robe. Those moments of claiming yourself make me want to do this again and again.

But my work doesn’t end when the shoot does.

Being there for my clients as they review their photographs, including when they struggle with how they see themselves, is my honour. Knowing I can be the person to stop someone in their tracks and challenge the narrative they’ve built for themselves is the most rewarding part.

I know what it feels like to need that person. I’ve needed her too.

Sometimes, a breakthrough comes quietly

The hardest part of the job is meeting someone who cannot yet break free of the cage they’ve built for themselves.

I can coach someone who is willing to listen, open to the process, and willing to question their walls and ideas. I cannot force anyone, as much as I might wish for that freedom for everyone.

When someone is just starting to question the conditioning they live within, reviewing their photographs can be nerve-racking. Even neutrality can be difficult to achieve when negativity is all you’ve experienced.

But when someone comes firmly into neutrality, it feels like an emotional breakthrough.

It comes without fanfare. It comes with peace instead of anxiety.

Helping someone move from avoiding the mirror to no longer feeling troubled by it matters. Having them come back, and witnessing their movement towards acceptance and eventually positivity about themselves, reinforces my own journey.

It feels like a victory.

The space I’m going to hold

If the Mary who first started MKM spent an afternoon in my studio today, she would meet someone willing to speak up.

If I hear you talking down about yourself, I will say something. I will challenge it.

Before, I would never have done that. I’d been raised to keep the peace.

I’m not interested in the status quo. I will rock the boat and not be ashamed. I’ll deal with the fallout. Systems, institutions, and social structures deserve to be challenged.